Not Just Another Number

By C. MacDonald

Talk about being naive, I remember when I first looked at a college course catalog. I was amazed at the number of classes taught by a teacher named "Staff." What a talent "Professor Staff" must be, being able to teach so many different subjects and so often. Then it finally hit me. "Staff" wasn't one educator but a general term, used when the school didn't know exactly who would be teaching a particular course.

But general terms are common in our lives. I remember living in San Francisco, I received a lot of mail addressed to "Resident." When I was in Los Angeles, I was called, "Tenant." In Sacramento, the mail read, "Householder." In San Diego, I was known as "Occupant." (That name has stuck ever since.)

The people who first called me 'Occupant" took a great deal of interest in my welfare. They sent me news about bargains, places where I could earn free meals and even locations where I could advertise my hobby (stilt-walking) to interested parties for free.

Even politicians in Washington knew of my importance and sent me messages, asking "the Occupant" whether we should be decreasing taxes, sending more people to the moon and encouraging the development of driver-less cars.

I have a friend, who said he occasionally receives some of my "Occupant" mail and he doesn't like it one bit. He returns the enclosures of one company in the SASE reply envelope of another. I think he is foolish and does not know the benefits you can get if you earn the right to be "Occupant."

One company, which has called me "Occupant" for years, really got my interest by writing, "How would you like to receive $1,000 a month for the next 20 years? Just think what you could do with the money." I thought about it for a while but then realized, if you're named "Occupant," you don't need all that dough. I often already get new products or samples in the mail from friendly businesses.

Last month, I got a bottle of hair shampoo, toothpaste, cereal and soap. I must admit, I was a bit shocked to receive athlete's-foot powder and underarm deodorant in my mail box. (How did they know?) And I really got upset when receiving a "flea collar." But on the whole, I'm rather pleased being known as "Occupant." It's nice to know you're not just another number!
 

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