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Thanksgiving Phone Calls and Jokes

Published on: November 26, 2014

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One of the busiest calling days of the year is Thanksgiving, when people talk to loved ones. They talk traffic, turkey, jobs, kids, sports… the usual stuff. Seldom does anyone ever talk to an operator for call assistance or directory information, but that wasn’t always the case. It used to be that operators made the essential connections so you could talk. Nearly 40 years ago in 1976 actress/comedian Lily Tomlin appeared in a parody as Ernestine, the nosy, condescending telephone operator who proclaimed, “We don’t care, we don’t have to…we’re the phone company.” Some things never change. Here are a few gems that  REAL operators have shared. If you’re short on phone conversation and can’t think of what to say during Thanksgiving phone calls, here are a few jokes tested on national audiences:

  • JOHNNY CARSON: Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
  • ERMA BOMBECK: Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not coincidence.
  • JIMMY FALLON: A new survey found that 80% of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense when you hear they consider saying “that  smells good” to be helping.
  • CONAN O’BRIEN: Walmart announced that they are opening earlier than they ever have. Because what better way to celebrate the pilgrims’ arrival in America than buying crap from China.
  • ROSEANNE BARR: Here I am at 5 o’clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird’s butt…
  • LOUIS C.K.: The meal isn’t over when I’m full. The meal is over when I hate myself.

 

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